The inhabitants of Narnia are nothing if not welcoming. The faun gave Lucy tea, The beavers made a whole meal for the four children, even the queen offered Edmund food and drink. I, however, can not say the same about men on the dating apps.
I once went on a date with a man named Charles. Charles and I met in person so I had an idea of his looks, personality, and overall being before our actual first date. We exchanged numbers and after a few texts he called me. He was funny but seemed a bit pretentious. When we would talk I felt like I was in a strange oneupmanship contest I had not signed up for. This should have been my first clue that something was suspicious. However, he had more endearing qualities that overrode my misgivings so I agreed to go on a date despite the highfalutin attitude.
Appropriately we went to a very shi shi foo foo place and immediately Charles began to order tar tar, eel, oysters, and other food more suitable for the inhabitants of Narnia than people- while also knowing full well I did not eat anything from the sea. All I wanted from the menu were the ribs so I spoke up and placed my order. The food came out and Charles began happily eating his orders as I was making my way through my ONE small plate. I was half done when I needed to excuse myself to the restroom (now is a good time to mention that from the time I left to my return only minutes passed. This will be important in one second.)
When I returned my ribs were gone. Gone. I look at my date, he looks at me, I look at the place where my ribs were, my date looks at where my ribs were, then I look back at my date who looks back at me and says, I finished your ribs and had the waitress take your plate. The only item I ordered, the only item I was eating he finished. He had ordered what felt like a mountain for himself but decided he should also help himself to my food too without asking or anything. After having my meal finished while on a date, I figured I could not sink any lower in the dating pool. But like Edmund facing Aslan and the witch, it turns out things could get worse.
Shortly after my date with Charles I went on a date with a man we will call Jack. Jack was a spur of the moment date. We met on Tinder, exchanged a couple of messages and then decided to meet at a local bar. I should have known it was not going to go well based on the location. I got there and Jack had already ordered a drink for himself. I sat down and we started talking. 20 minutes in and I am still watching him drink- alone- he had yet to offer to order me a drink. At that point I knew I would be leaving.
He finally asked if I wanted anything, but I said no. He got up and headed to the bar any way. A few minutes later he came back with another drink sat down and told me he has ordered himself food. It came quickly, and he started eating it. He never, at any point, offered me a bite. Not once. So I was on a date watching a man eat and drink – I could have stayed home and watched a number of more entertaining options on Netflix. It was at that point that I got up and walked out. No good bye pleasantries, nothing. It would not have mattered either as his mouth was full: he had just tucked into the other side of his nacho plate.
The Chronicles of a Single Woman: Dating 