Kiki looks into dating… that’s it just trying to date

Dating as a broken person is daunting. Not only are the dates often ridiculous, but I have less patience than I used to. I’m tired in a way that doesn’t show on dating profiles, and that exhaustion makes everything feel like tiny paper cuts on my soul: painful for such innocuous marks.

Recently, I went on a date with a man who turned out to have very, very different views from mine, though none of that came out until we were already face to face.

Don’s profile wasn’t sketchy. There were no obvious red flags or clues suggesting he’d turn out to be an absolute a-hole. Did he have of a “bro” vibe, sure, but was he also from the East Coast, yes- which is why this didn’t quite line up. When we messaged on the app, things flowed easily enough that we exchanged numbers quickly and texted as if we had been good friends for a while and still nothing alarming came up.

There was one small thing we didn’t agree on, musical artists, but it seemed harmless at the time. Just one of those hmmmm differences I file away and move on from. I didn’t know then that it would end up meaning more.

The day of the date, we met for ice cream and decided to walk around the cute downtown area nearby. It should’ve been easy. Casual. Like I said above two old friends catching up seeing if there might be more. Instead, he decided this was the perfect moment to unload all of his strange relationship proclivities. I told him it was too early for that kind of conversation, but he kept pushing. Each comment edged a little closer to subjects I’d asked to be avoided, until I finally had to change the subject altogether.

At the time, I wondered if I was just annoyed at being out with someone new, someone who wasn’t my ex. This was one of my first dates since the “breakup,” for lack of a better word. Was this actually weird behavior, or , was I just projecting my sadness? It was hard to tell.

But as he kept talking and then started mocking me I realized I wasn’t wrong at all. It was in fact intentional, inappropriate border line vile behavior. He was openly supportive of current policies supporting everything I abhor and he wouldn’t let it go. He just kept pushing. At one point we tipped into the vile and very much engaged in a an actual shouting match about language and current events and yes musical artists.

I think my anger and the urge to absolutely demolish a man with all the rage I’d bottled up during my relationship kept me rooted there, shouting back. The fact that we didn’t physically tussle was honestly surprising. But the moment I realized I was on the verge of a fist fight with a grown man, I snapped back to reality: I have a pace maker now and can’t be swinging but there was a time.

I shoved my chair back and stormed off. It would be another month before I went on another date.

Kiki looks into dating internationally- locally

Although I have been bamboozled a few times by my own people I keep trying to date them, similar to how Edmund knows deep down the queen is bad but just convinces himself she may not be so keeps going back to find her. I am just going to take a minute and revisit going out with my own people which happened not too far in the past.

I had a very interesting date with a man who claimed to also be Greek. Nick was not very communicative by text when we matched and I did call him out on it- nothing changed, so I guess he had the Greek stubbornness down pat. Regardless, we set up a date locally, and we haltingly continued to talk about our common interest- being Greek.

The day of the date I showed up to the restaurant after he did- I was not late, but he had actually gotten there a little early and had the waitress seat him- very unGreek of him. When I asked him where he was sitting instead of telling me where he instructed me to ask the waitress to take me back to him like he was a king of some kind. He did not even offer to come out and meet me at the front of the restaurant. I let the hostess know my party was seated and proceeded to wander the establishment looking for a person I was supposed to recognize from some vague pictures. I knew it was gonna be bad.

When I finally did locate him he stood up and hugged me. It was a very awkward side hug then he sat himself right down, looked me square in the my eyes and with a straight face said, “You are so lucky to be here with me.” That sounded very Greek, but that’s where the commonality ended and it was downhill from there. I could not keep my mouth shut so responded with: “Why would you have that thought and then say it out loud?” He made a wide sweep with his arms seemingly pointing out the restaurant but remained silent expecting me to know what he meant. I just continued to stare at him at which time he filled the silence by telling me he “knew the manager and his friend was part owner” As a note a.) we were not in LA for this to happen and b.) that’s not a personality trait for me to value.

This exchange was quickly interrupted when the waitress brought us each a glass of champagne- he had “taken the liberty of ordering me a drink” but had never asked if I even drank – I don’t. He was upset to find this out. Before he could say anything else, we were brought some kind of amuse bouche. When I asked what it was or what he ordered, instead of telling me he really doubled down on me being lucky to be there with him and replied that: “it was specially made for us.” “From the kitchen,” he continued. I expressed concern as to where our other food orders would be made from but he didn’t get my joke.

Conversation from there on was fairly stilted. We did not see eye to eye on any subject, and as it turned out, he had just broken up with somebody a few days previous. When I said that it was surprising he was dating so soon after he’d broken up with somebody, he did not see why it was “my business as to his dating timeline. ” Then when I was asking him seemingly normal first date questions, i.e. what brought him to California from his home state he stated that-”it was a traumatic event” and I “shouldn’t be asking those types of questions.” To which I spit out, “please learn to lie because that’s a normal question to ask on a date.” It was a very quiet dinner after that.

I guess dating Greek or part Greeks is not in the cards for me. As Edmund and I learned, one should always trust their instincts even in the face of food and drinks.

Kiki looks into dating internationally

Narnia is, in some ways, a foreign land. It’s like we recognize the landscape and the creatures before us in the story but something is always askew. I know that is a faun but why is it talking and walking only on its hind legs? Dating is the same. I recognize the setting and the characters but something is always slightly off.

And lest you believe that my dating mishaps only take place nationally, l assure you my luck follows me to foreign lands as well. One relationship on my travels started successfully enough: I had a summer romance complete with my fling rushing to the airport to see me one last time before my flight took off. Later I found out he had a whole other family. And the rushing to the airport part …well it just happened to be the day his family was returning from a trip and he was picking them up shortly after I was to take off.

But on a more recent trip back to my homeland I decided to give dating internationally another chance. After matching and speaking briefly on the app with Giorgos we agreed to meet in the public square of what is considered one of the most romantic island by tourists. Giorgos met me there dressed in what can best be described as European fashion complete with knock off work boots so I thought hey this might actually go somewhere (I love a good pair of work boots.) He was even better looking in person and I was excited to once again try and date a fellow Greek.

I will pause here to say I do speak my native tongue, maybe at a 3rd grade level, but enough so people understand me. His English, on the other hand, seemed to be much more basic and as we walked we navigated this hurdle through small talk. I kept insisting that he speak Greek since I could understand it better than he seemed to understand or speak; but he was persistent in speaking English. We walked through the lined streets and ended up at a bar half way down some well known steps but which seemed more for the locals. Giorgos, in perfect Greek, was able to snag us a table with an amazing view. After that though he turned to me and continued to try and speak with the very little English he knew.

And the date went on that way. There were a lot of one or two word answers from him and silences. I would ask him questions in Greek and he answered with English phrases. I asked him if he did not understand my Greek and that is why he spoke in English but he claimed to understand what I was saying and said he just wanted to practice his English. And practice he did. It was like I was listening to a duo lingo recording. Whatever Rosetta Stone English Giorgos had practiced before meeting up with me was what we covered so some of his answers did not really line up with the conversation. After two hours of this painful lesson I did not know I signed up for- and with the alcohol not helping in the least – the bill mercifully came.

It was at this point that Giorgos decided he could use our native language. He looked at me and without blinking, in (once more) perfect Greek says: “ So do you want to cover this.” I had been fooled yet again by my own people. I don’t know if this was a racketeering situation he had with the bar or what but I was not about to be scammed. So I responded with “I’m sorry I don’t understand what you’re saying. ” I left Giorgos and the bartender to figure out the bill betwixt them.

Unlike Lucy and her siblings I did not try to return to the adventures in a foreign lands. Dating at home provided me with enough complexes I did not need to seek them elsewhere.