Kiki looks into the positive side of dating

Dating is a winter wasteland, because even on the best of days things rarely work out. Although I always talk about the terrible dates, even the most pleasant dates rarely move forward. Because, like the deep magic of Narnia, things always seem to work out for the witch rather than the sons of Adam and daughters of Eve.

I once matched with a lovely human named Kent. He was always so positive on the phone and in messages. Not in a fake way or a way that was annoying as some cheerily people tend to be but in an endearing way. Like Aslan,who always kept calm in the worst of situations, so Kent kept cheerful.

Our date was at LA Live on a Friday night. This was no small feat especially without a reservation. But despite the long waits and crowds he was so positive and calming. Nothing fazed him. We walked around as we waited for the beeping of our restaurant tracker and he was just amazed by everything. Like Alec Baldwin’s character in ‘Friends,’ he complimented the most arbitrary of things. “Just look at all these brake lights glowing like the light of a thousand ferries. *” And on and on just over the top enthusiasm about the crowds, the restaurants, all the mundane things we passed were somehow fascinating to him. Although Baldwin’s character was grating after a while, Kent was less so and I think it was because it just seemed so natural for him to be amazed by everything. Our conversation was just as fascinating to him. He spoke in glowing terms about life, his job, and anytime I had something to say it was a two minute praise session about what I had said. It was like having my own hype person. Despite what could have been a miserable experience it was refreshing to watch someone be so open and energized. I don’t know if that says something about me or dating in general.

In the end we had a wonderful time and his upbeat attitude only added to that. Even though there was no spark it was nice to go on a date that was successful overall and did not end in a more positive Uber ride than the date itself. However, because of the type of blog this is – we know this story does not end with me in a partnership. The next day I received the kindest ‘this isn’t going anywhere, let’s not see each other again’ text I have ever read. And have yet to get anything nicer since.

*The One in Massapequa

Kiki looks into being stood up

In The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe there is a time when Aslan leaves the children despite their victories. He leaves quietly when no one is really looking. And will continue to come and go throughout their lives. I have been in on again off again relationships- but the on again off again dater, who has a similar philosophy, is a bit trickier because it is hard to tell when they may decide to stand you up. However, like Peter going into battle sans Aslan, one must always be ready for the unexpected.

Frances and I met while we were both out through mutual friend groups. We hit it off and exchanged numbers that night. Our first date was a success. We laughed, we ate and then we met up with our mutual friends for drinks. Things seemed to be off to a solid start.

After the first date we continued to talk and exchange texts. We planned our second date- a meal at a local restaurant in a nearby hotspot.

The night of said date I drove to the shoreline area we would be meeting. There was an unexpected event at this place so parking was a challenge. I had to circle a few times but was able to find parking. I sent Frances a text that I was on my way up to the restaurant after the parking challenges. As I am walking into the place Frances replies to me saying that he couldn’t find parking so has decided to head home. No other follow up text. Just his decision to leave me at the place.

I am not one to be stood up so marched myself right to my car and proceed to drive to his apartment (you can surmise how I know where he lives) when I arrive I do not see his car and he does not answer the door so I sit myself down on the curb to wait his arrival. Fifteen minutes later and he is walking up – I do not know how I beat him to his own home but I have a few guesses. When he sees me sitting on the curb I can tell his brain is not registering the picture in front of him, I use this moment to say: “I was promised a meal” and just stare at him. With that, he mumbles a few local places we could try and we walk ourselves to the now closed Thai place. Dinner was a solemn event that went by rather quickly. I never got an answer that made sense as to why he would drive to a place and then leave knowing someone was waiting for him. Parking was bad but one could find spots. Needless to say there was not a third date.

I have been stood up once while I was at a bar waiting for my date (not a cat fish we had met in person and gone out a couple of times.) When he was a no call no show, I venmo requested that man the price of my drink since he was the one who offered to buy me one in the first place. My bank account is still minus that drink order.

Kiki looks into catfishing

Cat fishing is defined as a deceptive activity in which a person creates a fictional persona or fake identity on a social networking service for the purpose of fraud. Be on dating apps long enough and one will experience at least one catfish. Technically, Lucy was also cat fished by Mr Tumnus the faun. His plan was actually to kidnap her and take her to the queen but later changed his mind. Much like these dates.

The first time I was catfished my date never showed up. Prior to the date he communicated through text and the app. The day of the date as I was driving to meet him he blocked me on the phone and then by the time I walked up to the restaurant he had deleted me from the app. As I circled around the place there were only groups seated. Not a solo person to be found. Inquiries to staff lead nowhere they had not seen a singleton at the place in hours. As I walked back to my car I was panicking- this man knew what I looked but I had no idea of his appearance. I watch a lot of Criminal Minds so my pepper spray was at the ready. However, one time when a catfish did show up there was awkwardness a plenty.

I matched with Kacey who seemed normal in his photos and bio. After riveting conversation he planned a great date at a fancy restaurant. A man picking a place, time, day, and making a reservation for a date is not the usual so I probably should have known something was up. When I showed up it all became very clear. The man who was seated at the table was definitely not the man in the photos. Not in the completely separate person way, but rather the photos were clearly from his glory days in college. Kacey’s hairline had definitely moved back and his face had aged not as gracefully as he probably would have liked. He clearly knew what he was doing was wrong and seemed to want to make up for it through planning. Like the queen he felt he had to lavish gifts to hide his duplicity. In this case it was through order after order of food even after I only wanted one dish he asked for several items. Conversation was halting unlike on the phone because at that point the sham was up. It’s like he just kept ordering food to lengthen the date. It was a painful couple of hours.

I was able to finally get my Uber but Kacey insisted on waiting with me, unlike some prior dates. After what can best be described as an air side hug I jumped into the Uber and the driver said, “Ooph that was awkward, huh?” I asked him if it was that noticeable- he answered: “ Even Stevie Wonder could see that this was a bad date.” We drove home exchanging dating horror stories and laughing.