You let somebody in, you know? And then, you make room. Then they go. And yeah, the room’s still there. ~ Sam Sylvia 

          When Mr. Tumnus the faun saw Lucy for the first time and learned what she was, he made up his mind to kidnap her and bring her to the witch. After getting to know her though he let her escape rather than fall victim to the majesty’s wrath (telling Lucy outright of his previous plan and then helping her to safety). In many ways, I wish people in the dating world were like that: just brutally honest about their intentions so, like Lucy,  we could escape with all pieces of ourselves and faith intact. But if that were the case this blog would not exist.

Like Lucy meeting a talking faun, meeting Ryan jarred me.  He made me nervous from the beginning. He was open and vulnerable, something most people in LA avoided. He talked about a variety of subjects and was so articulate about them, his experiences within them, and their connection to the collective that any time I spoke I felt like I was that man I went on a date with that talked for an hour plus about his intermittent fasting- just nonsensical. 

Despite my nervousness and own feelings of being off kilter anytime I was around him, Ryan still seemed to want to see me and more importantly talk with me. We made plan after plan to see each other. The anxiousness was always there, but so was reassurance that I was not, in fact, as ridiculous I believed. And like I do when I am interested in someone I make room for them, blindly believing in their goodness. Like Lucy trusting a talking faun with no rhyme or reason, I trusted Ryan.

The whole of the story of Narnia took place over a longer period of time than our dating did, and regardless of the small window , I still managed to get my heart chipped. I won’t know if my ridiculousness, my overthinking, or the tangible fact that I could never quite be all of myself is what did it; but, what I do know is that I made a space for someone and that space remained after they left.